A Parody of the Duke and Dauphin
by Anonymous Potter Lover
Summary: This is a short satire I wrote for my Junior english class. I apologize for the lack of quality writing. xD Duke and Kingston are two travelling salesmen in Arkansaw. Follow them during a short day's work.


Stacy Harris

Constans Period 5

1/15/09

Parody: The Duke and Dauphin

Diiing dong.

Duke stood on the step of the maroon home and waited for someone to answer the door. He quickly looked over his outfit in a mirror he carried with him and straightened his tie. He looked good. Glancing up at the door again he noticed no one had come to the door and he leaned forward to ring the doorbell again.

Diiing dong.

Finally, an old woman opened the door. She saw him and turned her head back to shout to someone else.

"Hey! Paul! Looky who dun showed up on our front steh-yup! It's one 'o 'em salesmen from the…"

She paused and looked back at him.

"Where're you from ag'in?"

"Ah. Arkansas Vacuum and Appliances ma'am. Now, if you would be so kind as to let me in," He replied smoothly, pushing past her. "I can help you find the vacuum of your _dreams._"

He strutted into the room, his briefcase swinging around in his hand. He looked around and noticed an older man. He strode with purpose over to him and grabbed his hand, shaking vigorously.

"Good day, chap. Very nice to meet you. Now, if your wife would like to sit down with us I can tell you everything about our new XS8000. It's brand new, made in Nepal. And you all know that the best electronics and appliances come out of Nepal. Am I right? I'm right," Duke said with a grin as he flipped his hand back and rolled his eyes. "This appliance right here has _twelve times_ the suction of your everyday version."

"Dangum," the woman said with wide eyes. "S'lot of suckshun."

"Yes, ma'am it is. And not only that! It comes in _eight_ colours! Red, blue, green, yellow, purple, black, orange, and silver. _And_ with our _new_ special offer, you can get a _parachute_ attachment."

"Wuzzat? Purashoot attachment?"

"Ma'am, it's the most _amazing_ thing ever. Let me call in my associate to show you how it works," Duke said with enthusiasm. "You are going to _love_ it. Love. It."

He whipped out a phone punched in a number. "Kingston? Yeah. Mhm. It's time for the _demonstration_," he said loudly, nodding and wiggling his eyebrows around at the old couple with a fake smile plastered on his face.

A few seconds later Kingston staggered through the door carrying a huge lawn chair with a leaf blower attached and a small backpack on the top. He put it down with a thud and straightened, plastering a fake smile on his face to match Duke's.

"Alright. Sir. Madam," he said nodding to each of them. "Now, what you do is you sit on the top here and switch it on. With the _parachute_ attachment," he said, winking obviously and continuously at Duke. "You can float gently down without crashing into the ground and killing yourself in a horrible accident!" To illustrate his point he sat on the lawn chair and flailed his arms a bit in a representation of falling from 10,000 feet, landing in a radioactive bomb testing facility, and blowing up into lots of teeny little pieces when the generator explodes.

"Well dangum. I guess that's a rully gud idear then," she muttered, her face squishing up as she thought about it. "We'll take two 'o 'em!" she finally shouted, jumping up with a smile on her face. "One in green and one in…uhh…or'nge. Yeah. Or'nge."

Duke smiled like a snake. "Alright. Now that's ten thousand for each one of them, and six hundred for the two parachute attachments. Also, we'll need a labour fee. You know. Standard stuff."

"Paul. Hey, Paul. Write a check!" she whispered, nudging him in the side. He did so and handed it over.

Duke and Kingston hauled in the appropriate lawnchair appliances and set them down in the living room.

"There you go. Feel free to try them out today."

They packed up their things and walked out the door.

"Have a good day," Kingston said over his shoulder. As they stepped into their truck they heard the sound of bone breaking, head crushing, blood spattering, and plastic breaking.

"Ah," Duke said with a smile on his face as they drove away. "Another day of work done.


End file.
